


A Musical Interlude

by squidgie



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Blasphemy, Crack, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-14
Updated: 2011-08-14
Packaged: 2017-10-22 15:13:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/239417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squidgie/pseuds/squidgie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another episode in the crack!saga that is esteefee's Pope John series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Musical Interlude

**Author's Note:**

  * For [esteefee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/esteefee/gifts).
  * Inspired by [IN THE LIGHT OF THE MOST HOLY FATHER](https://archiveofourown.org/works/238711) by [esteefee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/esteefee/pseuds/esteefee). 



> NOTES: Once again, Not betaed, so all mistakes mine. I have cracked in esteefee's Pope John AU. Late last night as I was reading, I saw a comment on her story "IN THE LIGHT OF THE MOST HOLY FATHER", where she responded to someone with, " _feel free to join in the fun! we could use a Pope John musical!_ ", I responded with, " _Oh. My. God. MUSICAL?!?!?! Oh, the evil plans in me just awakened. Bwahahahahahaha!!!!!!!_ " and finally esteefee came back with, " _::whimpers and hides under something flame-retardant::_ ".  
> NOTES THE MUSICAL: With sincere ~~thanks~~ apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein.

"This is my old neighborhood," Teyla says as she looks out the window of the car.  She sees an elderly man in a trench coat approach an equally ancient woman.  He flashes her, only to have the woman point and laugh.  "And I see it has not changed a bit."

"I didn't know you were from Oakland," John replies as he pulls the vehicle up to a parking spot.

Rodney looks at their surroundings as he mindlessly pings the Pope John Paul II bobble-head doll on the dash.  "Are you sure it's safe?"

"Are you kidding?" John asks, pointing to Ronon.  "We've got Bishop Chewie here." Ronon just nods, then makes an odd growling noise (which makes Rodney dope-slap John for introducing Ronon to the Star Wars trilogy).  "Seriously, we'll be fine."

"Look, Rodney," Teyla says, gesturing to half a dozen children, all between the ages of six to eleven years old or so, and the sign behind them.  "Chief Cowen's Day Care.  Now if this neighborhood was all _that_ unsafe, would there be a daycare here?"

Monk Rodney considers it and shrugs his shoulders, then flinches at the sound of gunfire coming from the next block.  "You grew up here?" he asks.  "Wow..."

"As I said, very little of it has changed."  She turns her attention to John.  "May we make a small stop to speak to the children, John?" which John agrees with a head-bob.  They follow Teyla over to the youngsters, currently all behind a locked fence.  "How are you, children?" she asks.

"Wow," several of the kids say, looking up her in awe.  One of the youngest ones looks up at her in her wimple and states, "You must be rich."

"Why would you say that, my child?" Teyla responds.

Before the youngster can reply, one of the oldest ones comes forward.  "Because you can make some serious scratch catering to the religious-kink in this neighborhood," he says.  "Seriously.  Sometimes my mom'll dress up like an altar boy for Old Mister Fiedler, and-"

" _Anyway_ ," John interrupts.  "How 'bout we get this show on the road?" he asks.

"I would very much like to continue to talk to the children, at least for a moment" Teyla says with a playful smile, which makes John gives in much too easily.  "Children," she says, "I am Sister Teyla of San Tanco.  And these are my friends John, Rodney, and Ronon," she adds, indicating each man.  "Children, I grew up in _this_ very neighborhood.  Did you know that?" which most of the kids respond to with an awe-filled look.  "When you grow up, you, too, can leave this place and do great, great things."

Rodney leans in to John and stage-whispers, "She did _us_ three last night, pit-roast style.  Does that mean _we're_ great things?" John just looks on in horror for a second before busting out in his patented har har har, and Ronon's face breaks out in the biggest grin possible, all of which is silenced by just one look thrown at them from Teyla.

She turns back to the children, but before she can continue with her story, the one with the owlishly big eyes asks, "What's pit-roast style?"  John sees Rodney crossing himself, one of the only times he's ever done it willingly.

The eldest child perks up again.  "Pit-roast style is a sexual position where a woman-"

" _Hey_!" John exclaims, not believing the words coming out of the seriously jaded youngster. 

"I'm sorry, you're right.  My apologies," the boy says, then turns back to the little girl.  "It's a modified doggie-style where the woman _or_ _a_ _man_ is bent over between-"

"Oh Jesus, look at the time," John says.  "Teyla?" he asks, hoping to get them back on track.

"Just one more thing, if I may," she says, then somehow produces a guitar.  Ever since seeing _The Sound of Music_ , John has noted the oddity that wherever there is a nun, a guitar is never far away.

John nods in agreement and Rodney clasps his hands together in a ' _This_ is gonna be fun' motion.  Ronon just looks on, somewhat interested but mostly nonplussed.

Teyla's fingers gently stroke the strings of the guitar causing an oddly familiar tune to begin to fill the air.  "Let's start at the very beginning...  It's a very good place to start.  When you read, you begin with-". 

The children are silent, not responding to her cue, so she sings the lyric again.  "When you read, you begin with-"

"Listen, lady," one of the children starts.  "We go to the _Oakland_ school district.  We don't learn to read 'til like ninth grade."

"Oh!  I know!  I know!  It's 'A, B, C', isn't it?" one of the most innocent looking ones says, which causes Teyla to nod in agreement.

"Good for you, little one.  Can _you_ read?"

"No, but when daddy's asleep, mommy takes some of daddy's stuff to the A B C Pawn Shop, and I get to go with her," she says, beaming back at Teyla, causing Teyla to sigh.

"Let's start again, shall we?"  With another strum of her guitar, she hums, then starts singing.  "Let's start at the very beginning.  It's a very good place to start.  When you read, you begin with-"

All of the children respond in unison, "A, B, C", which earns a grin and a nod from Teyla.

"When you sing, you begin with Doe, Ray, See."

"Doe, Ray, See?" the children ask in harmony, and John and Rodney toss questioning looks at each other, then Teyla.

"Doe, Ray, See.  The first three notes just happen to be, Doe, Ray, See."

"Doe, Ray, See," the children respond back in singsong voice.

"Doe, Ray, See, Far, Joe, Ma, Gee..."

After her buildup, Teyla abandons the guitar and flies over the fence and is immediately surrounded by the children upon landing.  She continues to sing, customizing the song for the venue. She points to a man and woman across the street, obviously haggling on the price of a transaction, and throughout the song, indicates things in the neighborhood that the children area used to. 

> "Doe, A John.  A paying John.
> 
> Ray, a blast from her stungun... 
> 
> See, that girl?  She left her pimp. 
> 
> Far, that's where she ought to run... 
> 
> Joe, for crack he'll give you head...
> 
> Ma, she'll end up dumping Joe...
> 
> Gee, they’ll all end up brain dead...
> 
> Now Ma's leaving with that Doe, oh, oh, oh..."

"That's enough for today, children," John says before Teyla can continue with her song.  He mostly ignores Rodney, who is bent in half, convulsing in laughter, and tries not to stare too long at Rodney's ass in his monk robe.  "Seriously, Teyla," John asks, turning his attention back to her as she lands gently on the sidewalk next to him.  "You're never allowed to sing to children again.  _Ever_."

As if to drive John's point home, Ronon picks up the guitar and smashes it on the concrete steps a la something out of a heavy metal concert, much to the delight of the entertained, cynical children.  "What?" he asks.  "Seemed like the thing to do," he adds, tossing the neck of the guitar over his shoulder.

John just herds the three back towards their original destination.  With a glance back over his shoulder, he says, "Bye, kids," which each child responds to (and the removal of Teyla) by flipping him the bird, the littlest one double-fisting him until she starts picking her nose.


End file.
